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«If you really want to leave, though, why don’t you just do it? What’s holding you back?», she asked.

«Nothing, indeed», I lied.

She was back home for a while, due to some business she had to attend to I guess. I was waiting right outside her house when I saw her approaching: all of a sudden I felt completely peaceful, and I was ready to greet her with a warm, welcoming smile.

That’s when she walked past me, without so much as a glance in my direction: like she didn’t notice me, like I wasn’t even there.

She was wearing a bright blue skate helmet, along with matching protective pads, by the way.

Sometimes I just have the weirdest dreams.

The day I’ve been waiting for has come and gone: nothing has happened, and I would be lying if I said I was expecting things to go any different. I can never help setting myself up for disappointment, though.

Over the course of the last few months, pretty much everything in my life has been turned upside down. To my surprise, such huge external changes haven’t caused internal changes of comparable magnitude: in fact, I feel like I haven’t changed at all.

I’m still trying to figure out whether this is a good or a bad thing.

Even though it’s been a while, every now and then somebody asks me «How’s your girlfriend?», to which I usually reply with something along the lines of «She’s doing fine. Also, she’s not my girlfriend anymore». Cue embarassed faces.

(As an aside, what’s the matter with you people? You can’t possibly think that our breaking up months ago was a consequence of you asking that question now, can you? If anything, you’re showing that you care about the person you’re talking to, and that’s nothing to be ashamed of.)

When asked about the reason behind the split, I stare back at them with hollow eyes and answer that, honestly, I don’t know what to answer.

In a way, I wish she had just told me that she had met this great, good looking, kind and caring Irish guy and that, well, you know how this kind of things work. It would have been hard to swallow, but perfectly understandable as far as logic goes.

Instead, she told me that while she still cared about me, she needed time alone: which might well be girl–talk for all of the above, as far as I know. Even after all this, though, I still believe she wouldn’t be able to lie to me. Not like that.

Delusional? Probably. Too dense to see the reason why she broke up with me, a reason so obvious it would look plain as day to anybody else? Also very likely. Still thinking about her all the time, still hoping that she will change her mind? Absolutely.